64 continued....

Before I get into this post, I have to tell you - my cousin, Stephanie, is a music therapist who knows some of the most incredible things about the healing power of music.  She commented on my last post that there is a name for having a song stuck in your head - it's called a "brain itch" and as with any other itch, the only thing you have to do to get rid of it is scratch!  The way you scratch this kind of brain itch is by singing whatever song is stuck in your head all the way through.  I tried it - it totally works and was completely as satisfying as scratching an itch.  Try it!

Now that I've shared an important and valuable tool for happy living, I can get on with this post. :)  I've been doing all kinds of reflecting since we last talked.  Lots of thinking and wondering and trying to get into my own head and see what it is a really want out of life.  At the beginning of my reflection and goal-setting, I was still in the same mind-set I've always been in for goal-setting.  Achievement-oriented...I had (and still have) goals in mind that require me to accomplish something.  A check-list of sorts including things I want to have accomplished before my youth runs out.  Things on my list include:

I think those are worthy goals and things to aim for.  But as I thought about the song that had been itching my brain, "When I'm 64", and what I really wanted to reflect on, my entire paradigm changed and I realized I'd been going about it the wrong way.  Not entirely, but at least partly.

I realized that I didn't have to wait until I was 64 to have a little interview with myself.  My 28-year-old self doesn't know everything that my 64-year-old self will someday know and feel, but I realized that I have a better idea than I thought I did.  There are things today that I regret, and very few of those things have anything to do with things that I have achieved or things that I possess.   The things I feel regret about are small things - things I might have walked right past in my goal-setting session.  Actually, I'm sure I would have walked right past them because in my 28 years I've made goals plenty of times and never thought about them before.

The things I regret have everything to do with the way I live my life every day.  The way I treat people, the things I choose to let come out of my mouth, the way I choose to feel every day, the things I let get on my nerves.  I mean, lets be honest, I do regret not being more careful with our money and that we have to do some digging to get ourselves out, but I can think of a few things that I've carelessly let come out of my mouth that I regret much more than that.  Other things I regret include times when I've lost my "cool", times when I've said something I shouldn't have or when I didn't phrase something carefully enough, letting a day go by without saying a fervent prayer, not taking 20 minutes to take a walk every morning.  These are little tiny things that might not matter in an achievement-driven world, but they matter to me.  They make a difference in the way I feel and the way I make others around me feel.

On the other side there are things I have done that I will never ever regret.  I never regret taking Jackson outside to play or taking time to read him stories and let him look into my eyes and tell me something only he understands but that is clearly important to him.  I've never regretted keeping my home clean so that everything is perfect and relaxing at the end of the day.  I will never regret the things we're doing so that I can be at home with my babies.  I have never regretted taking care of my body and making the right choices so that I feel good.  Soooo many good things and these are the things I want to focus on.

A quote from "The Secret Life of Bees" comes to mind.  You know the part when August tells Lily why her house is painted bright pink.  She did it because it made her sister, May, happy.... and man....THAT matters.

I still have more thinking and reflecting to do....especially with this new insight that I have on what I REALLY want out of life.  The goals I already listed are good and important, but I don't think they are the most important.  I think if I were to accomplish those things, I would look back at age 64 and be proud of myself.  But if those were the only things I did, I think I would be missing out on profound satisfaction and the deep joy that comes from living each day carefully and intentionally.

So now I have new goals...

It's a work in progress and certainly not a complete list, but I feel confident that I'm moving in the right direction.  And now if you'll excuse me, I have a little boy to squeeze and play with and a few dishes in the sink. :)  (<-- note the smile...boo-ya!  I'm on a roll with these new goals!)

When I'm 64

The older I get the more I learn about myself.  For instance...I recently came to the discovery that I always have a song in my head.  ALWAYS.  Sometimes the same song stays in there all day or for a couple of days even, but there's always some kind of rockin going on in there.  (I use the term "rockin" lightly since I have caught myself mind-syncing the abc's and the itsy-bitsy spider before....at least I have a kid and therefore an excuse.)

Anyway, the song de jour is "When I'm 64" by the Beatles.  Now, I'm not very good at remembering song lyrics on my own.  It's much easier to sing along than it is to sing alone and I have been known to make up my own words when I don't understand what they really are.  I won't embarrass myself here, but I will say I don't know this song very well and since I don't know it very well, only the parts I do know have been running through my mind.  Like: "da da da da, da da da da, da da da, da. da. da. da bottle of wine..."  and something about a valentine and of course "When I'm 64".   (In case you can't remember the words and it's bothering you the way it's bothering me now, I will put the lyrics at the bottom.)

What's cool about having THIS song stuck in my head is that it totally ties in with what's been going on in my mind for the last few days.  I've been thinking about my great grandma who I saw last Saturday.  She is 93 and still doing well.  She's obviously not a sharp as she used to be, but it is sooo amazing to have her around. I love seeing her, and I think it is quite an accomplishment to live long enough to see and know your great-GREAT grandchildren.  

{Grandma Rowen when she was young with some of her friends from beauty school.  She's in the middle.}

I wonder if there's anything she regrets or anything she would do differently.  I wonder if she had the chance if she would go back and change some of her habits.  I wonder if she would have made some different goals or worked harder to get to them if she knew what her entire life looked like in retrospect.  Mostly I don't wonder those things about her...she seems content and satisfied with all she's done.  She should be.

{Grandma Rowen now}

But what about when I'm 93 or "When I'm 64" like I've been wondering all morning.  I wonder how I'll feel.  Wouldn't it be nice to be able to have a conversation with your older self and ask her what she would do differently if she could so that you could work a little harder or change a couple of things and be regret-free?  I mean, I 'get' the whole "live without regrets" thing where you do your best and forgive yourself for the things you can't do.  That's one way to live regret-free.  But I really want to know, and since I can't have a conversation with my older self (besides being impossible it would be creeeeepy), I have to make stuff up and hope that I make the right decisions.

For example...there are a couple of ways for me to treat my body, and I am in a place right now where I feel all pumped up about making some goals.  But I want to make the right ones.  So what would my 64-year-old self say?  Is it weird?  I am honestly wondering this.  If I were to work hard and change a LOT of my habits and get to a good, healthy weight and learn how to stay there, will my 64-year-old self look back and say, "Man, I missed out on a lot of good stuff...shoulda just gone with it."  OR If I stay on the track I'm on and not worry about it too much except to be reasonable will my 64-year-old self kick her own behind and regret not having the body and the physical stamina she might have had. 

Everything has the same conversation going on...pro's and con's on each side.  I have a lot of thinking and contemplating and goal-setting to do.  I want to do what's most important and sometimes what seems like it's most important today won't be the most important when I'm 64.  That's what I don't want to mess up (too much) on.  There is so much to sort out.  So much to wonder about myself and who I want to be.  The beauty is that I can pretty much decide to be whoever I want tomorrow no matter how different that person is from me today.  I really believe that.  Man, I gotta go find a piece of paper.  Time for some serious goal-setting.

Before I forget - here are those lyrics.  SUCH a better song with words. :)

When I get older losing my hair,

Many years from now.

Will you still be sending me a valentine

Birthday greetings bottle of wine.

If I'd been out till quarter to three

Would you lock the door,

Will you still need me, will you still feed me,

When I'm sixty-four.

You'll be older too,

And if you say the word,

I could stay with you.

I could be handy, mending a fuse

When your lights have gone.

You can knit a sweater by the fireside

Sunday mornings go for a ride.

Doing the garden, digging the weeds,

Who could ask for more.

Will you still need me, will you still feed me,

When I'm sixty-four.

Every summer we can rent a cottage,

In the Isle of Wight, if it's not too dear

We shall scrimp and save

Grandchildren on your knee

Vera, Chuck & Dave

Send me a postcard, drop me a line,

Stating point of view

Indicate precisely what you mean to say

Yours sincerely, wasting away

Give me your answer, fill in a form

Mine for evermore

Will you still need me, will you still feed me,

When I'm sixty-four.