Thursday, September 2, 2010

64 continued....

Before I get into this post, I have to tell you - my cousin, Stephanie, is a music therapist who knows some of the most incredible things about the healing power of music.  She commented on my last post that there is a name for having a song stuck in your head - it's called a "brain itch" and as with any other itch, the only thing you have to do to get rid of it is scratch!  The way you scratch this kind of brain itch is by singing whatever song is stuck in your head all the way through.  I tried it - it totally works and was completely as satisfying as scratching an itch.  Try it!

Now that I've shared an important and valuable tool for happy living, I can get on with this post. :)  I've been doing all kinds of reflecting since we last talked.  Lots of thinking and wondering and trying to get into my own head and see what it is a really want out of life.  At the beginning of my reflection and goal-setting, I was still in the same mind-set I've always been in for goal-setting.  Achievement-oriented...I had (and still have) goals in mind that require me to accomplish something.  A check-list of sorts including things I want to have accomplished before my youth runs out.  Things on my list include:

I think those are worthy goals and things to aim for.  But as I thought about the song that had been itching my brain, "When I'm 64", and what I really wanted to reflect on, my entire paradigm changed and I realized I'd been going about it the wrong way.  Not entirely, but at least partly.

I realized that I didn't have to wait until I was 64 to have a little interview with myself.  My 28-year-old self doesn't know everything that my 64-year-old self will someday know and feel, but I realized that I have a better idea than I thought I did.  There are things today that I regret, and very few of those things have anything to do with things that I have achieved or things that I possess.   The things I feel regret about are small things - things I might have walked right past in my goal-setting session.  Actually, I'm sure I would have walked right past them because in my 28 years I've made goals plenty of times and never thought about them before.

The things I regret have everything to do with the way I live my life every day.  The way I treat people, the things I choose to let come out of my mouth, the way I choose to feel every day, the things I let get on my nerves.  I mean, lets be honest, I do regret not being more careful with our money and that we have to do some digging to get ourselves out, but I can think of a few things that I've carelessly let come out of my mouth that I regret much more than that.  Other things I regret include times when I've lost my "cool", times when I've said something I shouldn't have or when I didn't phrase something carefully enough, letting a day go by without saying a fervent prayer, not taking 20 minutes to take a walk every morning.  These are little tiny things that might not matter in an achievement-driven world, but they matter to me.  They make a difference in the way I feel and the way I make others around me feel.

On the other side there are things I have done that I will never ever regret.  I never regret taking Jackson outside to play or taking time to read him stories and let him look into my eyes and tell me something only he understands but that is clearly important to him.  I've never regretted keeping my home clean so that everything is perfect and relaxing at the end of the day.  I will never regret the things we're doing so that I can be at home with my babies.  I have never regretted taking care of my body and making the right choices so that I feel good.  Soooo many good things and these are the things I want to focus on.

A quote from "The Secret Life of Bees" comes to mind.  You know the part when August tells Lily why her house is painted bright pink.  She did it because it made her sister, May, happy.... and man....THAT matters.

I still have more thinking and reflecting to do....especially with this new insight that I have on what I REALLY want out of life.  The goals I already listed are good and important, but I don't think they are the most important.  I think if I were to accomplish those things, I would look back at age 64 and be proud of myself.  But if those were the only things I did, I think I would be missing out on profound satisfaction and the deep joy that comes from living each day carefully and intentionally.

So now I have new goals...

It's a work in progress and certainly not a complete list, but I feel confident that I'm moving in the right direction.  And now if you'll excuse me, I have a little boy to squeeze and play with and a few dishes in the sink. :)  (<-- note the!  I'm on a roll with these new goals!)


melissa t. said...

I'm excited to see you guys again :-)

Lisa said...

Kallie - what a wonderful post. You are much to hard on yourself and reading your post reminds me of a quote I heard once on Oprah to the effect of "Now that we know better we can do better".
Thank you for sharing your new goals - I think they are great reminders for everyone. Wouldn't the world be a much nicer place if we all lived by those.

Christa Irell said...
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Christa Irell said...

Thank you Kallie, for reminders for us ALL, about deciding on what is important in our lives. You are so right- we will all be happier if we just focus on what is most dear to us and those we love. When my four children were small, my house was never as tidy as I would have liked (I am like you, I think a clean house is heaven on earth!), but in the grand scheme of things, putting those four little souls first, spending time with them and giving them all the love I had, was more satisfying and more important than anything. The biggest step to making things better, is knowing we have the power within us to do it! xo

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