Chaos

Something I've always known about myself is that I don't do very well with chaos.  I don't know where it came from...it's probably partly something I was born with and something my mom nurtured by keeping a clean and orderly home.  My dad is also organized and likes for things to be orderly.  My parents are tidy people.  They are small town people who avoid crowds at all costs.  I am like them in a lot of ways.

I like for things to be in order.  I like my home to feel peaceful and put-together.  I like it that way because I don't feel peaceful in disarray and disorder.  My husband can attest to that.  I can't remember how it came up, but about a year into our marriage, he told me (in the nicest way...I can't seem to remember how he said it either) that it bothers him that I clean at weird times sometimes - like late at night or as we're heading out the door for church.  It's a joke between us now, and I try not to annoy him too bad...I can always tell when I've chosen the wrong time to clean.  I really don't do it to be annoying or for any reason other than to make me feel better and more peaceful.

Moving is hard for me because of that.  It is really hard for me to relax with boxes and STUFF everywhere.  It's hard for me to feel peaceful when the house looks so taken apart and cluttery and messy.

We decided that this week we would REALLY start sorting our things and selling what we could, so we advertised for an estate sale for today and tomorrow.  We were up late last night getting things ready...bringing things up from the basement that have been tucked pleasantly out of sight in the basement for months.  Things are just how I hate them (strong word I know...).  Pictures are gone from my picture frames, and all my favorite decorations are in the basement...safe out of the reach of yard-salers.  There is stuff for sale all over the counter in the kitchen, in every corner of the living room, and even covering most of the floor there.  It IS progress, I know it is, but it's tough for me to deal with.  And maybe it would be better if it I knew we'd only have to live like this for a day or two, but we will most likely be in this house for another month or so.  That's probably the part I have to get over and then I'll be okay.  It's this chaos...I have to get over it.

{this place was FULL of stuff yesterday...now all the stuff is in my living room}

Ugh.

Yesterday I got an email from the Brave Girls Club...I am on their mailing list and get emails from them every day.  Yesterday's message said something like, "true joy has nothing to do with circumstances".  (I can't find it or I'd include the whole thing.)  That's been on my mind today as I have wondered....could I teach myself to be happy no matter what kind of chaos is going on around me?  Do I even want to?  I mean, do I want to learn to be happy in clutter and mess?  Big questions....no answers yet, but I'll work on it.  I could at least learn to live happily with the way things are until I can start arranging things the way I want them in our new little place.

On the bright side, this morning Jeff took Jackson to get some change for our yard sale.  While he was gone, he got Jackson one of those suckers that looks like a bottle.  When they got home this is what Jackson's sucker had done to him....

...his mouth is still blue. :)